Sports writer Brad Thompson and news editor Bob Tomaszewski decided to express their “immense” knowledge on one another’s areas of expertise. The following is the result of their false perceptions.
Disclaimer: neither of these pieces contain even remotely accurate information nor were they written by an even semi-credible source.
The Republican Takeover by Brad Thompson
Democrats have never felt more proud over the past eight years, supporting Barack Obama, Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton. The year 2017 starts the decline of blue donkeys and the rise of the red elephant.
Republicans have now taken over every level of government, so much that even Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel will be scared for his job at the next election.
Republicans now have total control of the Senate, the House of Representatives, Congress and even The White House. I wouldn’t be surprised if Washington, D.C., changes its MLB baseball team from the Washington Nationals to the Washington Republicans.
This doesn’t mean Democrats do not have a say, it just means that their say will not be valued for four to eight years, depending on election stuff. Currently, Democrats are fleeing to Canada and Mexico in order to escape these Republican ways but President Donald Trump is funding a border to keep them in the country.
Many might speculate and think Donald Trump is trapping the Democrats for torture but he actually is keeping them in America because how else can his hotels make money. So Republicans are going to be in charge of Democrats for while; why does this matter?
Well, Democrats who think they will receive medical aid and free tuition are in for a rude awakening. According to inside sources of the Congress, Republicans will secretly offer their own version of Obama Care to other Republicans but deny access to those who do not swear by the elephant.
My advice to Democrats is to lay low and save money. Protesting these new laws that are forthcoming will be no help because the Republicans now have majority numbers in Washington. To say the least, it should be an interesting next four years.
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Bipartisan Football by Bob Tomaszewski
Football should be about cooperation. My suggestion for the current Super Bowl is that the Falcons should team up with the Patriots in a bipartisan agreement to score the most amount of points possible, in a single game. Turn football into an endurance sport.
The dirty birds should team up with the Pats in order to go for a Guinness World Record. They should take turns scoring points so that they can blow away the records and score as many as 100 points each, or even more. It could be double the 55 points that the San Francisco 49rs had when they were beaten in 1990.
Unity is what we need in this country more than anything else and how else could everyone feel as though they are winning, than by breaking the record together.
Football should be played as a high score game much like pinball. Pinball never caused any concussions (to my knowledge, please correct me in the comments). This teamwork will have fans on both sides of the stadium cheering for everyone, even Tom Brady.
There would be constant action, with people betting on how high the final score would be. The winner in this instance would, of course, be the viewers and the American people.
No changes would need to be made to the rules of football for this dream of unity to happen and it might make things more interesting for the Patriots to try to shatter a world record instead of the hopes and dreams of the Falcons.