Editorial: Written by Assist. Sports Editor Troy Kelleher
When it comes to film, I’m a snob, a junkie, an overdosing elitist that kneels at the altar “Coen” and throws holy water and obscenities at “Bay” and “Wheaton.” I crawl into the darkest theatres to catch a glimpse of indie films and my calendar revolves around the Oscar season. My pen writes “theatre,” never “theater.” Then why, why, WHY would I leave “Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones”—after watching the entire film—with a smile on my face?
It wasn’t a smile, not really, more of a peaceful look of content. Content, without a drop of contempt. I was not bothered by the stilted acting, the mechanical cookie-cutter plot, the large man in front of me engaged in a salacious wrestling match with his Snickers wrapper. Was I drugged? Did they slip narcotics into my Dr. Pepper?
I’m scared. I’m scared that I am perfectly content with being un-thrilled, un-excited and un-scared by anything this horrifically typical movie offers. My former self would rise from the reclining chair mid-movie, rally those in the same aisle and charge the projector-lit screen, slapping the candy bar guy on the head in the chaos. We would shred the canopy into pieces and wave a flag made of its remains from the roof of the cinema, a warning to all mediocre movies considering entry.
But I did no such thing. I sat there with that mindless look of content on my face. When a dog is beaten enough, it won’t bark. I have been beaten senseless by the onslaught of mediocre, O.K., good enough, pretty typical, standard movies that have invaded modern cinema. I won’t bark anymore.
I’m no movie critic: I’m unqualified, inexperienced and lacking any level of talent that might warrant me to criticize the work of others. I am, however, a human with a pink, mushy brain. I can feel things, and I can feel that I am no longer feeling much of anything when I enter the movie theatre (maybe I should just write “theater” now). And who’s to blame? With this in mind, I would like to get down on one knee and offer “Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones” the title of ‘scariest movie of the century.’
