Comedy Central called it their “third most-watched roast” while “The Atlantic” magazine named it “a show trial, but one where the suspect was guaranteed to be acquitted.”
The “Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber,” which aired Monday, March 30, circled around the youngest person ever to be roasted on the network. That seems like a new low that nationwide harassment has already been thrown against a 21-year-old. However, Bieber is a 21-year-old who continuously expressed gangster-like behavior through most of his teenage life and has now had to sit in the hot seat on public television with his own mother in the audience.
Hosted by Kevin Hart, the roast welcomed some of Hollywood’s most well-known celebrity guests: Shaquille O’Neal, Martha Stewart, Ludacris, Snoop Dogg, Pete Davidson, Jeff Ross, Natasha Leggero, Chris D’Elia and Hannibal Burress. Some of the roasters were just as you’d expect. They’re hysterical but still able to keep a straight face that just makes viewers seem to laugh harder.
Then there’s Stewart. A viewer would not expect a former cook and criminal to kill it with her humorously sharp tongue. It takes guts to talk about a person’s time in prison, but Stewart used it to inform Bieber about advice for when he “inevitably ends up in prison.” Whether her tone seemed like she was being gravely serious about having Bieber make a shank in his jail cell and date someone “powerful and famous and rich” is beyond anyone’s mind.
“So, Justin, my final piece of advice is (to) call me,” Stewart said as the audience roared with a standing ovation.
What may have been scripted certainly seemed organic coming from Stewart, as she seemed comfortable with making fun of herself. The same went for Ross, the man who seemed to also bring the most blood that the audience and viewers at home had craved for.
“You are the King Joffrey of pop,” Ross said. For any “Game of Thrones” fans out there, this was a fantastic analogy that was sure to make stomachs hurt from laughter. He also referred to a touchier subject of his past relationship with actress Selena Gomez.
“(She) wanted to be here but she’s dating men now,” said Ross.
Who couldn’t agree? When I heard his first hit song “Baby,” Bieber sounded exactly like a young female singer. When I realized it was a boy, my heart stopped. He even still has the smallest hint of a 12-year-old boy’s voice as he was speaking at the end of the two hours. His mother was at the event, so does he really need more embarrassment with having his ex-girlfriend there too?
No matter if the jokes sounded harsh or comical, depending on who said them, Bieber handled it all well. In fact, he seemed to be pretty happy having all eyes on him without having to smoke a joint or pretending to be an amateur Caucasian gangster.
But, we all knew what he was about to say next. Before the segment aired on TV, potential viewers were already told that Bieber made a public apology for his past actions and that he will continue as “someone that people can be proud of.” His entire speech sounded completely forced and unemotional during the time he had to speak. It was an eye roller to know that he had a writer come up with his entire speech, even his jokes about his roasters.
It’s clear that the former singer, who hasn’t produced a new album in three years, could potentially trade in his microphone for a banana to feed his abandoned-then-reunited monkey Mally.
