The night is quiet until the rattled sounds of drunken folly spill over; stumbling from the alley are a group of inebriated men and women.

“Something like that chick!” one of the guys yells.

“Don’t say that, it sounds creepy and wrong,” another comments.

“So? It’s something I want!” The first replies.

Covered in stockings and a baggy black hoodie, she bears a large red “X” on her back; a target for unwanted attention. Walking from a bar alone at 2:30 a.m. Saturday shouldn’t be this nerve-racking. Houses line the street, outdoor patios wide open, filled with party music and dancing adults enjoying their mid-life crises. The younger adults toss back cheap PBR and Miller Lite on their shoe-string budgets, voicing no complaints to the quality of their selection.

“Be an active bystander because sooner or later you or someone you love could be a victim too.” — Shahla Khan

The rule of thumb tells girls to have a guy they trust with them at these late hours. Several other rules ring loudly, constantly, with every step toward home.

Keep your guard up. Do you have the pepper spray at the ready? Don’t have music on. Look straight ahead or down.

***********

“Hey baby, want to get together?”

Don’t respond. The walk home quickly turns you into an unearned walk of hypothetical shame. People deem you a slut or whore, and some even make genuine efforts to proposition sex. A 2014 study found that 65 percent of women have experienced street harassment, and these comments and propositions are not restricted to late nights. Ten o’clock in the morning. The sky is open and the sun illuminates the day. A van of college boys drives past with some of them hanging their heads out of the window.

“Hey baby, what’s up? I said what’s up?”

Just keep walking. Flipping them off will get a rise out of them. The passing moments are tense. Will they hop out at the red light and confront you? Or will they carry on? Nobody knows, these situations are unpredictable. Nearly 95 percent of women had been honked at, whistled at, or cat-called to in 2008. Even dating someone for a long period of time comes with a price tag. A debt to offer up, to do anything to please them.

***********

“I took you out.” He says, irritation in his voice. “You owe me.”

Refusal only escalates the intensity of the rhetoric.

“We’re dating, you need to do it.” “I bought you this gift, you should show me how much you appreciate it.”

“No.” You bravely reply.

Ugly, fat, insecure, crazy, screwed up-these insults are just the beginning. His irritation has grown to anger, and he vents it out on you. You understand though, it’s how all relationships are. Right?

In 2010, 57 percent of college students said it was difficult to define what relational abuse is.

*********** 

An afternoon spent indoors. The TV is on with some cartoon re-run about a steampunk magical world where the characters can control the four elements. It doesn’t catch the attention of an 18 year-old seated close to his this-month’s girlfriend.

“Please? I really want to,” He begs. You hesitate, thinking: Not again, this isn’t what you want. Boredom does not mean “making love” should happen. “Come on, we can stop if you really don’t want to.”

He’s persistent.

Lies. No, no, no.

“Don’t be upset with me, I love you.” Selfish and guilty, what he says you are and how you feel. It’s your womanly duty to satisfy his needs. This is expected, don’t get upset. A study done in 2005 found 68 percent of women said that their partners sexually assaulted them.

The blurred lines of consent while in a relationship triggers confusion for what is a need, what is a want, and what is a demand. Dating is supposed to be simple; a meaningful experience filled with affection and respect. Walking home after going out shouldn’t be dangerous-especially when fully clothed.

Being in a relationship does not entitle you or your partner to unlimited, unwarranted sex. You never know who will experience these situations; they’re difficult to detect and more so to avoid. You never fully understand the dehumanization caused by these situations until it happens to you, and even if it never does, it still happens.