Happy together

Between two small towns, which no one had ever heard the names of, in a whitish-gray house, surrounded by cornfields that were occasionally bean fields, in a homestead with two silos that no longer operated and a corn crib more often occupied by farm equipment, I lived. The orange lights of the Sheridan Correctional Center could be seen from my living room window, but it didn’t matter. Up until about the age of seven or eight, I thought they were the northern lights.

A busy highway paralleled my house. At least, “busy” could be applied for the country. Cars and pickups roared past at 70 mph, several hundred of them each day. Few bothered to stop.

Early childhood was pre-cell phone and dial-up internet. Instant messaging was an exciting concept. We had AOL email accounts. Internet Explorer was our browser of choice and Bing our preferred search engine. We were usually the last to jump on the technology train, making communication difficult.

Rurality was one of the largest contributing factors to loneliness. Neighbors were inaccessible without a car or a dangerous bike ride alongside speeding vehicles. This meant playdates had to be carefully arranged and simply calling up a friend to hang out or crossing backyards was not an option. For country kids, memorizing a phone number was the beginning of an unbreakable bond.

And it was lonely. A feeling that, since the cancelation of school and work in recent weeks, has resurfaced as I reside back in my childhood home, quarantined and isolated. It is not only a state of solitude but a state of mind.

My cell phone has not left my back pocket. My laptop is constantly plugged in and our high-speed wireless internet is doing just fine, thank you.

For many, the isolation has only taken a toll since the outbreak of coronavirus and the stay-at-home order. With the lack of in-person communication, many are turning to online communication, but it may not be enough. Loneliness can be a symptom of several mental disorders including depression, but negatively reaches into the realm of physical health as well, impacting things such as cardiovascular disease, stroke and alcohol and drug abuse.

In a 2019 article by the Health Resources & Services Administration, researchers warned that “loneliness and social isolation can be as damaging to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.” This problem, especially prevalent among seniors and those who live alone, is growing. The past decade saw a decrease in average household size, which led to a 10% increase in those living alone. Medical care is little match for the circumstances and communities in which we live.

During a national pandemic where we are ordered not to leave our homes, it is difficult to find a connection and a sense of community. For those who are older, for those who do not have the technology to communicate at their fingertips, for those isolated by place or circumstance, the times are especially trying.

As a child, I found respite in books, crafts and my cat Whipper-Snapper, who hated my dog, Cody, who hated everyone. I am back in the house where I spent twenty years, where the memories of setting up Thomas the Tank Engine around the Christmas tree and rotten tomato fights with my siblings in the crisp fall romp like children through spring mud puddles. A single sheet of paper was an airplane, a picture of the jungle or a stylish hat. An industrial roll of paper was a coronation gown.

The additional quarantine time has allowed me to reconnect with friends I had lost touch with and gave me time to let my creativity roam. Perhaps in times of boredom and loneliness, the mind supplies what is lacking from usual outlets. For those who are truly struggling with loneliness, please reach out to neighbors or online communities.

Those who are a stranger to being alone, use this time to reassess and identify areas in need of improvement or things that have been forgotten. Dig behind the prom dresses in the closet to find old tinker toys or paint-by-numbers. But most importantly, use this time to check in with yourself. Be sure to evaluate all you have done and have yet to do, and that your happiness and wellbeing is a priority, finally. It’s time me, myself and I are all happy together.