“Will you marry me?”
That phrase will cause split reactions amongst college students. Getting on your knee and proposing to your significant other in college is a double-edged sword. It can be a moment you cherish or regret forever.
According to Business Insider, waiting until you’re 23 years old might be a better age to get engaged. The reason stated is couples who wait are less likely to get divorced. At 23, you wouldn’t be an undergraduate anymore. The stress of being a college student is off your shoulders. Less stress means a happier lifestyle, thus a happier time to get engaged.
While there is evidence as to why waiting after college to get engaged is beneficial, I disagree. I got engaged during my junior year. It has been over a year since I popped the question to my significant other. I have had plenty of time to experience what it is like to be engaged in college. Quite simply, engagement in college boils down to communication.
Before proposing to my fiancée, we had multiple discussions about our future. Having these conversations with your partner is essential. I know thinking about the future in college is dreadful, but you are going to enter the real world whether you are ready or not. While we cannot see into the future, communicating with your partner on what you want it to look like can help shape it.
Think about it. Most college students are just going with the flow. Trying to plan out your life during college, a time of continuous stress, seems impossible. But this is why you need to communicate with your partner. Having productive conversations can align the future with what you both want.
Of course, even with productive conversations, not every couple will agree on a mutual future. Some will be able to figure out a solution, but sometimes there is no solution. Therefore, you should not blindly hope your futures align. You are going to spend the rest of your life with this person. Having a different agenda than your partner does not equal a recipe for success.
There is a reason why I am putting so much emphasis on being on the same page as your partner. Once engaged, life isn’t a solo journey anymore. You and your partner become one. You are committing to spending the rest of your life with only them. If all you care about is what you want, there is no relationship. Thinking only about yourself creates a “me versus them” dynamic.
At the end of the day, a relationship is a team effort. Engagement furthers that team dynamic. It is the start of your significant other and you against the world. If you are still arguing about you doing more chores than your partner, instead of realizing that both of you do a lot for each other, then you are not ready for engagement.
The team dynamic also brings up a positive aspect of being engaged in college. According to Priceonomics’ article “How long do couples date before getting engaged?” women tend to get engaged around 27.2 years old while men tend to at 28.7 years old. It is logical to think that getting engaged in college is early. While most college students are not fully-grown adults yet, being young is why being engaged in college is a beautiful thing.
Once engaged, you solidify yourself as your partner’s No. 1 fan. Think of it as being a sports fan. Your favorite team is not the best they can be right now. However, after some time, your team makes some decisions and continue to work hard. Before you know it, they become one of the best teams in their league.
This is exactly how it is in college. Your partner is going to change and become a better version of themselves. Now, as their No. 1 fan, what could be better than seeing them grow up?
Honestly, watching each other grow up together is the best part of being engaged in college. In the future, you get to look back and smile at how you both made it through college classes, tackled your goals and launched your respective careers. You are always going to have those memories with so many more to come.
Now, if you choose to go down the route of being engaged in college, criticism will come. Do not get me wrong, when I announced that I was engaged, I had a ton of overwhelming support. Many people congratulated my partner and I. However, I also had my fair share of people saying I made a mistake.
The overwhelming consensus I heard was “why now?” Those who disagreed thought I was rushing the relationship. That doing this would result in heartbreak. They couldn’t understand the difference between maintaining a long-term relationship and getting engaged.
Engagement is a formal commitment to marriage. Getting engaged shows that you want to marry your partner. While a long-term relationship shows length, it doesn’t show any official signs of wanting to marry your partner. If you both know that you want to get married to each other, especially in college, why wait?
This is where the college experience comes in. There is no direct definition of how you should go about college. From focusing on school or focusing on partying, only you decide your experience.
While people may never understand choosing to be engaged in college, they never have to understand. For me, being engaged in college made sense for me, as I knew it would shape the college experience I wanted. For others, being engaged would ruin their college experience.
It is easy to listen and focus on what others have to say. But they are not a part of your relationship. A relationship is two people — you and your partner. If you both are happy in the relationship, it doesn’t matter what others think.
If you are someone who can’t ignore the critics, maybe engagement in college isn’t for you. It is hard at first, but once you remember all the support you have behind you, any criticism will become white noise.
