A lack of social experience can complicate identity development, especially during pre-teen and early teenage years. I’m sure many people remember that period from around fourth grade to the end of high school, although the content and level of fondness may vary. How did your circle of friends, afterschool activities, and classes help shape who you are today? Can you imagine what it may be like for those who have gone through much of school online? Being able to grow your identity without peers being influenced by and mirror is difficult, I know from personal experience.
When I was about fourteen years old, my family moved from the little rural town we had lived in since I was two, to a still small but growing suburban area. I had been homeschooled for a good four years by then and had absolutely no desire to go back to public school like my sister did. I have always been very introverted, with a tendency toward anxiety. The idea of going back to school, introducing myself in front of a classroom of teenagers, sitting in a cafeteria, and walking among them in crowded hallways sounded absolutely horrible. So, while my little sister returned to public school, I said, “no thank you please keep me in homeschooling.” And my parents were alright with that. Although it is not a decision I necessarily regret, it did have consequences for me.
Due to my homeschooling, I had a limited number of friends that I kept in touch with. After moving, those friends were about an hour away. We found that we didn’t talk much anymore. And without school obligating me into meeting and interacting with my peers, I found myself at a loss for what to do socially. I’ll admit it took me a little while to realize this, as I mentioned before I was never the most outgoing person, as a child often my favorite thing to do was curl up with a book. But eventually I did take notice, feeling disconnected and discontented, but I had no clue what to do about it.
I distinctly remember sitting with my mother on our back patio on a summer night, talking about these feelings. As it turns out my mother was feeling much the same as me. She has a variety of health problems that have kept her as a stay-at-home mother for much of my life. In moving, not just my social support system had been demolished but hers as well. And neither of us had the means or idea of how to change that. We just sat companionably there in our pajamas and robes, aching in tempo, watching the stars.
It got better eventually, of course. I began to attend community college and my mother made friends at church and with her nurses. But that experience had an effect, especially because of the age I was at. Without peers to stumble through teenage hood with, I found myself experiencing the trials of ‘finding yourself’ with only my family for company. It took until I was nineteen for me to feel fully comfortable with myself.
Of course, I was more of an unusual case. But although I supported social distancing, I sometimes look back and ponder the effect COVID isolation could have an effect on teenagers’ personal identity.
