There are many things that keep me up at night. Many thoughts that settle over me like a shroud, deepening the shadows of my room and quickening my heart rate. Bugs crawl through my nerves with their prickly legs, leaving me with only my skin holding together a mess of unraveling string. As these symptoms grow, so does my focus on what is bothering me—often something I’m anxious about. Usually something that I can’t control.
After narrowing down these things I can’t control into five topics, I sought to find if other students were also haunted by them through a small-sample survey. To ensure students were willing to respond to sensitive questions, the survey was anonymous. Twenty students ended up answering.
Five things I can’t control:
- The past
Sometimes I lay awake at night and think about events from the past. These events could be from last week, or from ten years ago. Most of the time, these memories are accompanied by the heavy chains of guilt and regret.
Growing pains and normal mistakes weave a ghostly dance in my head. Logic tries to argue, and usually with enough time it succeeds, but over and over the tune starts up again. Yet I am not the only one visited by apparitions of the past.
85% of the respondents shared that the past also kept them up at night. The types of events and concerns were varied. Some emphasized relationships, while others kept their explanations vague.
“Embarrassing moments and, when I’m especially tired, deep regrets, past hurts and pent-up emotions regarding these past hurts that bubble to the surface.”
“I think about the things I could’ve done that would have altered what actually happened, and it haunts me still after 6 years.”
- Other people
As a socially anxious person, I often find myself lying awake at night wondering what other people think of me; what their beliefs and intentions are. I am aware that it is impossible to walk through life without harming someone, directly or indirectly, and that there are people who simply don’t get along. Acknowledging that you can’t be liked by everyone can be a hard lesson. Respecting that you cannot affect an individual’s behaviors and beliefs beyond what they allow you to is also difficult to digest. Puppeteering other people’s lives is not something I desire, but sometimes it’s hard to live in the uncertainty of social life.
Of the respondents, 80% shared experiencing thoughts of other people keeping them up at night. Differences of beliefs and social issues, as well as problems of trust and relationships, were all added. Others also began sharing concerns over people’s potential judgement and behaviors.
“I’m queer and deeply hurt by anti-queer rhetoric, especially when it happens on campus. Thinking about how to respond, meetings and campaigns is a lot of energy.”
“Sometimes the actions that people take make me worry, and sometimes I just wish that I could have more control over preventing them from doing something that will result in a negative outcome for them.”
“If I did something embarrassing in class or at all that people witnessed, I think about what they think of me.”
- Bad things happening
General anxiety and distrust also cause me to become concerned about the potential of experiencing bad things. There are a wide variety of forms these bad things can take. Fearing something bad happening to my friends, my family and I, sometimes I’m stuck lying awake at night. An irrational worry grips me, that should I close my eyes and escape into the reckless vulnerability of sleep, my fears will come true. Over and over the scenarios spin into existence.
Media can enhance my anxiety about these possibilities, providing visual and sometimes real examples of the pictures screening in my mind. News, crime shows and supernatural-related media have all been inspiration to the horror film previewing in the darkness as my mind directs its worst thoughts of the future.
Of the respondents, 80% shared these thoughts kept them up at night. None shared specifics.
- Health and dying
Sometimes it is only the creeping, existential dread of death that keeps me up. My own death can be the focus, or the potential death of loved ones. Grief can also be a miserable nighttime companion.
As someone whose family has been affected by illness, and who has experienced the fear and uncertainty of health issues, concern over health can keep you up at night. There can be uncertainty over whether an illness will progress or concern over the potential of an illness developing.
Only 45% of respondents felt that health and dying kept them up at night, the open responses providing more insight.
“I have a few chronic health issues that I’m not getting the type of care I want for, and so I spend a lot of time planning what to do next, what doctor to see, if my health will be okay the next day to do what I have planned, etc.”
“I think of my dog and grandma dying, even though they are in perfect health.”
- The world
A lot has happened in these past few years, and many significant events are also currently taking place, both nationally and around the globe. Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder about our current state. My concerns can be related to the government, society and worldly matters—the various wars, conflicts and injustices currently taking place.
The impact of the government, world and culture on our lives can be significant, but sometimes it feels like our own effect on these aspects of society are trivial. This can lead to a gaping void of helplessness decaying into being as I stare into an unlit room.
Of the respondents, just over half also shared that thoughts of the world kept them up at night. The open responses provide an array of perspectives and topics.
“THE HOUSE DOES NOT HAVE A SPEAKER?!”
“Is there such thing as peace?”
“Sometimes the problems in the world (i.e. war. Poverty, hunger, etc.) can feel very overwhelming. I often sleep well, but my dreams are affected by these things and other worries.”
How to let go:
We can’t control any of these things. The past has already been written, other people control their own lives, the uncertainty of the future is a fact of life, as is health and dying. Our ability to control the world is limited. Then how do we stop these thoughts from constantly multiplying in our minds?
Healthline has a variety of articles related to the topics, including “How to Ease Anxiety at Night” and “How to Let Go of Things from the Past.” Lifestyle changes, grounding, mindfulness and stress management techniques are all explained as viable options.
There is also an article by licensed clinical psychologist Michael Stein, from the Anxiety & Depression Association of America, entitled “Thoughts Are Just Thoughts: How to Stop Worshiping Your Anxious Mind.” It discusses how to reframe your perspective on anxious thoughts. He advises you to stop giving your anxious mind power and instead acknowledge that a thought is not a guaranteed fact.
There are things we can’t control, but there are others we can. Focus on what is happening now, focus on the present.
