On my 15th birthday, I stood in front of my entire church and made a promise to save myself for marriage.
It wasn’t uncommon to see a young adult with a purity ring on. Even celebrities like the Jonas Brothers were wearing them at the time.
In 2008 Kevin Jonas, the oldest of the brothers, said in an interview with the Huffington Post, “My ring represents a promise to myself and to God that I’ll stay pure until marriage.”
Did I really know what the ring represented?
At that age, I knew it meant that I would remain a virgin until I was married. What I couldn’t quite understand was why it was such a big deal to everyone but me.
Growing up in a strict, Christian household, I was always taught to value my body. One way I did that was by making a vow to myself and God that I would remain pure until marriage.
Although I received it at a young age, I didn’t start wearing the ring until I was much older. It was mostly because I wasn’t used to wearing jewelry.
I had kept my vow, but never wore my ring. I didn’t start wearing the ring every day until I was a senior in high school.
I remember hearing one of my close friends talk about how she had just had sex for the first time. She didn’t know how she was going to explain to her parents why she had stopped wearing her ring.
I decided then that it was a conversation that I never wanted to have with my mom. Not because I was afraid that she might be angry, but because I didn’t want to disappoint her. I decided that I would never take it off.
I went through life wearing this ring with so much pride, but it wasn’t until I was halfway through my freshman year of college that I realized how much of a burden it actually was.
Purity rings are meant to be worn on the ring finger of your left hand. They are supposed to be worn until it is replaced by an engagement ring.
I started to get questions like, “Are you engaged?” or “Are you married?” People would also just stop and stare. They would look from my face to my ring and you could see both judgement and confusion on their faces.
I started off answering with the truth but the more I was asked about it, the more ashamed and embarrassed I felt. I felt ashamed because I was a virgin and didn’t want to publicly share that with others.
It felt weird being ashamed for not being sexually active. I remember thinking, “How could I be ashamed for not doing something? Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?”
As thoughts swirled around in my head, I started to notice that this topic was causing me anxiety. I wondered if this was normal.
Linda Kay Klein, author of “Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free” said in an interview with the Chicago Tribune, “I was sure that I was the only one experiencing this extreme sexual shame and fear and anxiety that for me was manifesting in ways that mimic post-traumatic stress disorder.”
How could something that was supposed to represent something pure cause so much turmoil on the inside?
As I got older, I realized that I wasn’t the only one going through this. After talking with others about the doubts I was having, I realized that the reason I wore my ring wasn’t because I didn’t want to disappoint my mother, but rather because it was choice I made for myself.
